Bart and Nan have noticed that some things are
not to be trusted around her, for your own safety.....
So, please
take a moment to become femiliair with these safety procedures, and
you will be fine.... we hope
Do NOT trust Michelle Forbes with:
10: Your car: She'll CRASH IT!
Does anyone ever notice how bad a driver Michelle seems to be in movies?
Seriously, give her a car, give it 10 minutes on the road... and its TRASHED!
Either it just breaks down on its own (perhaps due to lack of maintenance), or a hit and run, OR a train or whatever! It doesn't matter, just DONT trust her with your car!
9: Your Alcohol and Sigarettes: She'll CONSUME THEM!
 
Dont you just hate that, you have that final sigarette saved for the night, and the moment you are ready for it.. its gone missing.
In this case you can blame Michelle. It doesn't matter what it is, sigarettes, hash, weed, water pipes, she will SMOKE IT ALL!
Not to mention your liquor stash. Buy a big lock, put it on your fridge to keep your supply safe!
8: Your personal problems. She may be a professional psychiatrist or doctor. But often she's just as crazy as you!
 
I think this one explains itself. She may look like having the best intentions of being your shrink, but in the end shes just plotting your demise (or her own).
7: Your love: She doesn't love you, she just wants your body!
 
Okay I know what you're gonna say 'so what!' true true, but Im just stating this for your OWN safety!
Dont let your own feelings cloud your judgement!
6: Your house: She will "decorate" it with her crazy orgy parties!
Sure, if you need to redecorate anyway, why not! But if you just had your walls done, I would strongly advice against this.
Plus if you dont like naked people (not all beautiful) scattered around the house, Id also say no against trusting Michelle with your house.
5: Your life: She just wants to end it, to see you on her autopsy table.
Julianna might make the idea of getting murdered kinda attractive, but don't be fooled.
Shes only interested in you when your heart is no longer beating and you having some really awsome bullet holes in your chest.
4: Russian Dubbing: The death scenes are just NOT impressive anymore!
.... Michelle can also NOT be trusted with a Russian dub. A very passionate 'NOOOOO' changing to a monotone 'njet...' just.. does.. NOT... WORK..
3: Your heart: She's likely make a pie out of it!
When Im saying dont trust her with your heart, I kind of mean the physical version of it.....
Seriously, don't trust her, you do not want to end up in her hunters souffle do you?
2: Your child: She will try to kill it.
Michelle seems to have quite a few maternal issues.
One being trying to kill not only her own, but also your kid!
Mothers of the world! Do NOT trust Michelle with your kid!
1: Your side arm... She will shoot you with it. NEVER... EVER...GIVE IT TO HER!
 
Im telling you, whateEVER you do.. do not give her your side arm.. EVER!
She is NOT bluffing and she WILL shoot you!
So kids, if you follow these simple rules I think you will be fine:)
*disclaimer: These rules will offer no guaranty of surviving a Michelle Forbes encounter
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